My thoughts on the movie “Broken Vows”

I recently saw the movie “Broken Vows”. I hadn’t watched the trailer before watching the movie, so I didn’t know what to expect. Obviously, based on the name of the movie, I had a hunch what it would be about. I thought one or both partners, who were married to each other, cheated. When the movie started and I saw the woman washing off the blood of the ring, I thought, “Oh, so the husband must’ve cheated and the wife killed him.” However, as the movie was playing, it became clear that there was an entirely different storyline than I anticipated.

Homewrecker and revenge?

homewrecker-and-revenge-broken-vows-2016In the beginning of the movie, Tara is in a club or bar with her friends. A waitress walks over and Tara and her friends are pretty rude to her. One of Tara’s friends says, “that waitress looks just like the homewrecker”. So obviously, I’m thinking a woman who looks like that slept with Michael, Tara’s husband, and that’s why she killed him. As Tara starts flirting with Patrick, I think that’s a way to get over her husband who she killed. It turns out that one part of my hunch is correct, because Tara is flirting to get back at Michael, only in that part of the storyline, nothing bloody has happened yet.

Bad advice from friends

Tara eventually goes back to her friends and they have a fun night. When she’s outside, her friends see Patrick the bartender standing outside. They encourage her to talk to him. She doesn’t want to but they tell her that she was already talking to him anyway so she should do so again. In my opinion, if your friends know you’re engaged they shouldn’t encourage you to go talk to a “hot guy”, knowing it can lead to you cheating. So either these are bad friends, or they just give bad advice…

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Psycho in love

Patrick hears the girls talking and walks over to Tara. He doesn’t ask for her number but just takes her phone and dials his number so he has her number and she has his. Some would say this is dominant male behavior, but I honestly think that’s creepy. Anyway, the story plays out, eventually Patrick sleeps with Tara, she realizes she made a huge mistake and wants to leave. Patrick tells her that he thinks she’s special and shows her that he tattooed her name on his arm. She, as a sane person, thinks this is psycho behavior and leaves. She accidentally leaves her phone behind and that’s where the psycho in Patrick starts coming out. He goes to her hometown and stalks her, even though he found out by then that she is engaged to Michael.

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My thoughts

Tara made a big mistake cheating on Michael. Even though he did the same, it doesn’t make it right to also cheat. If you don’t want to be with the person anymore and you can’t forgive them for what they did, break up. Don’t try to hurt them in the same way they hurt you. In doing so, you’re hurting your significant other but at the same time, you lose all of your self-respect, because now you’re no better than the person who hurt you in the first place. Tara got to know that the hard way, because a lot of bad things followed after her “slip-up”. Although this is only a movie, these things can actually happen in real life too, because there are psycho’s out there and from looking at a person, you usually can’t tell when they’re psycho or not. And even if they aren’t you’ll lose all your self-respect if you do something like this…

The movie itself is worth watching though. It’s a pretty interesting storyline…

What “that” is in “I’d do anything for love (but I won’t do that)”

I was watching the movie “Sausage Party” and at a certain point in the movie they played the song “I’d do anything for love ” by Meat Loaf. I’ve heard the song before but never really dug deeper even though it did peak my curiosity.

Why “I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That)” peaked my curiosity

Concluding from the search results, this song has made other people wonder what the song is about as well, seeing as the singer makes it clear that he will do anything for love, even “run right into hell and back”. If I hear this in the first verse of the song, of course I will wonder what “that”, the one thing he won’t do for love, is.

Researching what “that” in “I’d do anything for love” is

researching-what-that-in-i-would-do-anything-for-love-isTo stop my mind from overthinking and to be sure I had the right answer, I googled the meaning of “that” in the song “I’d do anything for love”. I found an article where Meat Loaf explains his most misunderstood lyric. In this article, Meat Loaf notes that when he spoke to the writer of the song (Jim Steinman) about “that”, he told Jim that people aren’t going to know what “that” is. Jim in return said, “Of course they are. How can they not?”

Well Jim, I don’t !

Anyway, reading further, because I think the interviewer also didn’t know what “that” was, Meat Loaf explains that “that” is the line before every chorus. Obviously, this made me dig a little deeper and look for the lyrics.

The lyrics to “I’d do anything for love” by Meat Loaf                      

So now I looked for the lyrics to the song “I’d do anything for love” and of course, I found them. The next step was looking which line comes before every chorus.

The first one I found was:

But I’ll never forget the way you feel right now,
Oh no, no way
And I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that
No, I won’t do that

If we look at the explanation, he won’t do the last thing before the chorus, which in this case is “I’ll never forget the way you feel right now”. This makes me confused, because that makes the sentence a double negative, which means he says, “I won’t never forget the way you feel right now”. This translates to “I will forget the way you feel right now”.

The next verse is less horrible if you look at the double negative there: “But I won’t never forgive myself if we don’t go all the way, tonight”. This means he’ll forgive himself if they don’t go all the way tonight.

There’s another way of looking at this though. If you ignore the double negative and you scratch one of the negatives, the song is pretty romantic after all.

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At the end of the song, on the other hand, I agree with the things he won’t do:

After a while you’ll forget everything
It was a brief interlude and a midsummer night’s fling
And you’ll see that it’s time to move on
I won’t do that

I know the territory, I’ve been around
It’ll all turn to dust and we’ll all fall down
Sooner or later you’ll be screwing around
I won’t do that

If you really love someone, you won’t forget about that person easily, you won’t consider the love a fling and you also won’t move on easily. At the same time you won’t screw around if you were/are really in love…

My conclusion

Of course, there are more verses to the song but I won’t discuss them all. I think the point is clear: this song is controversial. If you look at it from the double negative point of view, the song is not romantic at all. I say this, because where Meat Loaf says that he would do anything for love, there are many things he is not willing to do. Some of the things he – in a double negative way – says he won’t do are things that are a normal part of being in love such as dreaming of the one you love. There are also, as my previous paragraph suggests things that I completely agree with. At the same time, if you scratch the double negative, the song is actually very romantic…

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But hey, this song is a classic so I won’t judge it too much. I now know what “that” in “I’d do anything for love (but I won’t do that)” is now, so I can peacefully go on with my day.

The evolution of Suripop

Suripop is the abbreviation of Suriname Popular Song Festival. This festival for composers is organized once every two years in Suriname. This year Suripop XIX was organized and I realized something: the subjects that the composers write about have shifted throughout the years.

Suripop I – VII: 1982 – 1992

Suripop still a pattern of love songs, break-up/losing someone songs and the occasional upbeat song about a random subject. However, if you look at the songs composed for the first Suripop festivals from  1982 to 1992, you will see that there are a lot more songs about true love. I will take for example the song “Ef a kan” (“If it’s possible”) sung by Powl Ameerali and composed by Erik suripop-i-vii-1982-1992Refos and Siegfried Gerling. This song states how happy just seeing the woman of his dreams makes the singer. This was also the winning composition for the competition.

Another example of a true love song from this time period is “Ham thoke chahila” (“I love you”) sung by Joan Blokland and composed by Erik Refos and Siegfried Gerling. Yes, I know it seems like I’m praising these composers, but these are some of the Suripop classics that I think are amazingly beautiful. Anyway, moving on. The song Ham thoke chahila describes how the woman can’t forget the man she loves, that he should teach her how to say I love you and that they should make a new beginning, etc. Romantic stuff, right?

One of the more memorable sad songs of this period, in my opinion, is “San ede yu gwe” (“Why did you leave”) sung by Diana Gouvernante and composed by Erik Refos & Wim Bakker. The title speaks for itself but to elaborate, the woman describes how much she’s hurting because the love of her life went away over the “sula’s” (rapids).

Suripop lately (Suripop XV in 2008 – Suripop XIX in 2016)

Nowadays I’ve noticed that most of the Suripop songs are about heartbreaks and losing people you love, often with a positive spin to it where they describe the silver lining.

A song that perfectly fits this description is the winning song of Suripop XV “Ala Ogri E Tja Wang Bung” (“Everything bad brings something good with it”) sung by Bryan Muntslag and composed by Gail Eijck.

suripop-lately-suripop-xv-in-2008-suripop-xix-in-2016The winning song from Suripop XIX “Yu Kori Mi Ati” (“You fooled my heart”) sung by Benjamin Faya and composed by Xaviera Spong is also a beautiful example of putting a positive twist to a bad situation. This song is purely about heartbreak. It describes the story of a person who got hurt by his/her true love but that made him/her stronger because he/she learned to appreciate and love himself/herself better.

Even though the songs are beautiful and describe how you can get over certain situations and rise from the ashes like a phoenix, I noticed that there are a lot fewer songs about actual real, happy love. I say “happy love” for a reason because if you look at it, heartbreak songs are also about love but more in the sense of what could have been or what they lost.

Don’t get me wrong, there are also love songs in the latest Suripop festivals but the focus nowadays is more on the sadder songs.

Why the shift in Suripop subjects?

Could it be that because of how the world is changing, people’s mindsets are also changing? In the world that we live in people have become more selfish. why-the-shift-in-suripop-subjectsMost people just focus on making money and less on love for people around them. That’s why lately in relationships people are also more impatient, in my opinion. If something doesn’t go their way, they just abort the relationship. They don’t try to work out their problems and just quit. In my opinion this is why there has been a shift in Suripop subjects from love songs and thinking they’ll be together forever to the new reality of “shit happens and we should deal with it” or “you hurt me but I’ll come out stronger”.

I think that other than in the Suripop songs, there has also been a shift in for example American music. Nowadays even in love songs you hear limitations. For example “Thinking out loud” by Ed Sheeran, where he sings “And, darling, I will be loving you ’til we’re 70”. Why the limitation of 70? What if you’re 71? Will you not love me anymore after that?

Just something to think about…

Can Barbie have a bad influence on your daughter(s)?

The past few days the song “I’m a Barbie girl” sung by Aqua, has been stuck in my head. Usually when a song is stuck in my head, I just listen to it until it goes away again. However, this time is different, because there are certain parts of the lyrics in the song that are bothering my logic.

The small parts

The song starts with a conversation between Barbie and her Prince Ken. This prince asks her to go for a ride and she says sure. If Barbie and Ken are friends and they go for a ride, then I’m not judging this part of the song. On the other hand, if they just met, it means that Barbie, like an airhead, just goes for a drive with a stranger, who might be a serial killer or a rapist or whatever…the-small-parts-barbie-girl Moving on.

At the same time, we’re creating bimbo girls, because the song acknowledges that Barbie is a bimbo and hey, the bimbo gets the prince according to Barbie logic right? Which (young) girl wouldn’t want to be swept off her feet by prince charming? However this prince isn’t so charming if you listen to the rest of the song. After prince Ken takes advantage of Barbie, he says, “Come jump in, bimbo friend, let us do it again, hit the town, fool around, let’s go party”. This means he loves the fact that she’s an easy idiot. If you look at it in this way, the song also has a bad influence on (young) boys. They will hear the song, think every girl is an idiot and try to take advantage of every girl they meet. Hence, players are created.

The parts of the “Barbie Girl” song that really bother me

So maybe because this song refers to an actual Barbie doll it shouldn’t bother me, but in the second verse Barbie sings “You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere”. How is this a positive thing to let young girls listen to? If they take it literally, we’ll have little submissive, “easy” girls in society in no time. Maybe I’m thinking too far, but this might be the reason why some girls will start behaving slutty. The forgotten argument: “Barbie said he/they could undress me everywhere”.

the-parts-of-the-im-a-barbie-girl-song-that-really-bother-me

The part that bothers me the most is the end of one of the verses: “You can touch, you can play, if you say, “I’m always yours.” This part really gives me goosebumps, in a bad way, because Barbie doesn’t even ask for any kind of commitment. You just have to say that she will always be yours. Don’t we all know that men lie to get what they want?

Side note: I did write “men lie” but this is a human thing. Everyone does it (so yes women too).

The other sexual references in “I’m a Barbie girl”

After Barbie admits to being a bimbo in a fantasy world – so logic says she’s definitely not a realist – she also says “Dress me up, make it tight, I’m your dolly”. the-other-sexual-references-in-im-a-barbie-girlFrom the “make it tight” part I would like to conclude that they mean that she wears tight clothing. I hope they’re referring to that and not Barbie’s vagina…

After this part, Ken replies “You’re my doll, rock’n’roll, feel the glamour in pink, Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky panky…” As much as I would love to defend the song, I can’t on this part, because everyone knows what hanky panky refers to. This is an obvious sexual reference, especially in the context “kiss me here, touch me there”. The “feel the glamour in pink” part doesn’t make the song seem any less innocent either.

In short: Parents, be critical about what you let your children listen to/ watch. What seems innocent, might not be!

Falling in love or being in love with the theory of love

I read a text on Facebook about actually falling in love and being in love with the theory of love. I have mixed emotions about this. To be specific, the text said:

Everyone wants to fall in love. But I think more people are in love with the theory of love. If you’re looking in from the outside, it looks so beautiful. On the inside, it’s scary because it can take over your life. It’s the strongest emotion but also the darkest. It can put you on a high for days, but it can wrap an anchor around your feet and drown you in less than a minute.

The good things about actually being in love

While reading this, I concluded that someone has hurt the author of this text, Calia Read. Because real love is actually a thing of beauty. Now, I’m not saying there won’t be fights and drama, but if the love is real and strong and comes from both sides, you can work through those issues. With good communication, it doesn’t have to feel like an anchor around your feet that will the-good-things-about-actually-being-in-lovedrag you down. If the love is real, then after a fight, when you’re both calm again, you can look each other in the eyes and feel the “butterflies” again. This is metaphorically speaking of course, but you get my point.

At the same time, when there are no fights and you are in love, you feel a “happy bonus”. Yes, I purposely did not say that you feel “complete” because from what I’ve learned in life, you should be complete by yourself. Finding someone who loves you is an added bonus. Like the text suggests, this added bonus can put you on a high for days. That part I completely agree with.

The bad things about being in love

My title to this part is actually wrong. It’s not the bad thing about being in love, it’s being in love with the wrong person. Because if the person is wrong for you, this will feel like you’re drowning. There are actually many ways in which someone can be wrong for you, The-bad-things-about-being-in-lovesuch as (s)he’s married or already spoken for, (s)he doesn’t want to “do the relationship thing” at the moment, (s)he doesn’t love you back… There are more examples, but I think you know in which direction I’m going with this. So when you’re in love with the wrong person, this will definitely hurt you.

There is a very small (like 0,01%) chance that it still works with someone who is wrong for you, but that means that either you will have to revise your expectations (for example be willing to “share” him/her with his/her wife/husband or willing to wait till they’re ready for a relationship etc.). This is all just hopeful thinking and can actually ruin your life.

To love or not to love, that is the question

Love is a beautiful thing if handled correctly. So my advice would be: LOVE!

You may get hurt in the process, you may fall in love with the wrong person, you may even fall in love with the right person (at that moment) and still have your heart broken, but once you find your true real love, you will feel and see the beauty of it all. And then all the heartbreaks will just have been lessons for your true “forever”.

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Note: your true real love may not be your “physical type” at all. When you feel the trueness of the love, you will know though. Have faith in that.