How to become a grown up in love

I read a text on Facebook that said:

Before you can grow up, you must fall in love 3 times. Once, you must fall in love with your best friend, ruining your friendship forever. This will teach you who your true friends are, and the fine line between friendship and more. Once you must fall in love with someone you believe is perfect. You will learn that no one is perfect, and that you should never be treated as anything less than you deserve. And once, you must fall in love with someone that is exactly like you. This will teach you about who you are, and who you want to be. And when you’re through with all that, you learn that the people who care about you the most are the ones that you hurt, and the ones that hurt you are the ones that needed you the most. But most of all, you learn that love is only a concept and is not something that can be defined, it is different to each and every person on this earth, knowing that everyone only wants to be loved.

The best friend-affair

While reading about the three people you should fall in love with, I got to thinking. I’ve met them all already. The part about the best friend is true. It seems like a good idea at first, but when the troubles start and you don’t have your best friend to go to anymore, you start to realize what a big mistake it was starting a relationship with that person.

Falling for someone you think is perfect

I don’t completely agree with falling in love with someone you think is perfect and someone who is just like you. mirrorFor me, these two were in one package. I thought he was super handsome, smart, funny, chill… in short: I thought he was perfect. This made me change myself for him so that I would never lose him. And you should never change yourself for someone because other than that you eventually won’t recognize the person you’ve become, neither will the person you changed for. That might make them leave, because this version 2.0 might not be what they wanted in their life.

thinking smileySideline: Now that I think about it, the fact that I thought that someone who was just like me was perfect, might mean that I think I’m perfect too…

Falling in love with someone who is just like you

So as I mentioned, this guy was just like me in many ways. In the beginning, it was interesting. I saw how he was and drew conclusions about how I am. Sometimes I had the thought “is this what my ex had to put up with?!” So in some way I did get to know myself better. However, when eventually your bad qualities come out at the same time, that’s where the problems start. This is because in an argument someone has to cave. And if neither person backs down, the problems won’t get solved. Unless you have a system where you just don’t talk immediately and explain your point when you’re both cooled off. I have to say though, that I’m not a big fan of this approach. I say: in a relationship, you should never go to bed angry. Talk to each other.

About the rest of the article… It says that by being with “yourself-in-another-body” you also learn who you want to be. This may be true, but at the same time it also teaches you about who you don’t want to be.

And when you’re through with all that, you learn that the people who care about you the most are the ones that you hurt, and the ones that hurt you are the ones that needed you the most.

Who we hurt, who hurts us and what we should do

Unfortunately I cannot disagree with that. While you’re trying your best not to mess up, you eventually mess up big time. This hurts the people who care about you and needed you the most, which can make them leave (to protect their own feelings) which will hurt you as well (if you really cared about them too). My opinion is that we should live more “carefree and honest” with each other and not judge one another. We should remember that everyone makes mistakes and that if a person feels comfortable around you and not judged, they will be very honest with you. I repeat: Do not judge them, because the honesty might end if you do.

Just love

peace and loveAs the article says: “everyone only wants to be loved”. If we keep hurting each other, we’re creating a cycle. You hurt me, so I become guarded and I hurt someone else, who in turn hurts another person and so on and so forth. Let’s just love each other. This is one thing that we can definitely learn from “hippies”!

Peace and love ya’ll…

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