I read a blog today about women having to manage men’s feelings ALL THE TIME. And even though this is not something I had put much thought into, the article, which is generally about politics, sheds some interesting light on the subject of how women change themselves to make a man happy.
I’ve actually lost a relationship because of “wrongfully managing a man’s feelings”.
An interesting example of something that happens quite often to women: You’re in a relationship with a man who is insecure about himself (only God knows why, because he’s cute, funny, smart, etc.). Because of his insecurity, he doesn’t want you talking to other men. For a while, to keep the relationship “happy and safe”, you do as he asks and you stop contacting your male friends. After a while, you start feeling messed up about ignoring someone who has been there for you for years and you start contacting these male friends again. You do so on the down low because you don’t want “honey” to get angry. Eventually he finds out and breaks up with you because he thinks men and women can’t be just friends so you must be cheating on him.
This happens to a lot of us. Maybe on some extent it is true that men and women can’t be just friends because feelings come into play. But isn’t it our choice to decide what we do with these feelings? In general, women don’t (just) think with their vagina’s. We are made so that we often think with our hearts, but the smart ones among us combine this “heart thinking” with actually using our brains.
I have also seen countless videos where men say that their woman is not allowed to have male friends. The main reason they name is that those friends will lend a shoulder to cry on to eventually get into the woman’s pants. In some cases, patient men really do use that strategy. However, men in general don’t have that much patience. Therefore, if they really want to sleep with their “friend” they will drop a hint (on purpose or by accident) which shows their true nature. Then it’s up to the woman to decide what she does with this knowledge. If a man is reading this, I’m sure he’s thinking: “drop the friend. End all contact with him.” But is this really the best option? Can’t a woman just let her “friend” know that she’s not interested in him in that way?
I’ve had this discussion with a man recently. He said: “If you dangle a bone in front of a Pitbull and you tell him not to eat it, do you think he’ll stay away from the bone?” I found this to be an interesting metaphor. Because that suggests that men can’t think for themselves when they “like” something they see. This refers to a primal instinct of cavemen who would just take what they wanted, not caring about what the object of their desire thinks about it. Are men in this century still thinking like cavemen? Haven’t they evolved? If a woman (who let’s say just got her heart broken) throws herself at a “friend” who is sexually interested in her, then yes, you can’t blame the man for listening to his nether region. But if the woman just uses his shoulder to cry on, we got to have faith in humanity and believe that this male “friend” will truly be just that – a friend – and not try to rape her (to be extreme).
For the men and women reading this, I’d love to see your take on the matter. Feel free to comment.